Get Off The ADHD Medicine Merry-Go-Round

February 15, 2012 in ADD, ADHD, Families, parenting by cmoore | No comments

By Laurie Davenport

I met a mom today and we started talking about our kids.  She mentioned that her daughter has ADHD and that it’s been a struggle for them to get on the right medicine.  Oh boy, can I empathize.

First of all, there’s the whole medicate versus do-not-medicate argument that I don’t really want to get dragged into.  Here are my views in a nutshell on that subject:

  • I once told a psychologist that medicating ADHD kids really bothered me and she said: “you have to do whatever it takes to get them through school.”  That’s a very wise statement and helped me look at the issue differently.
  • I read We’ve Got Issues by Judith Warner and it was a real eye-opener.  The author started her book with the premise that upper middle class people were improperly using drugs to give their kids a boost into Harvard or to gain some sort of edge in competing for a prestigious scholarship.  She learned, however, after interviewing lots of families of kids with issues, that they were struggling just to get by, to keep their kid(s) in school, and to keep them from failing not only in school but in life.

So, I think some parents have to medicate their kids and it’s the best thing they can do in the circumstances they’re in.

Here’s the problem.  Finding a medication for ADHD is a horrible, gut-wrenching experience for your kids and for the parents.  The reason is that child psychiatrists don’t really know which medicine will work for your kid, so they keep writing prescriptions, hoping for the best, and then moving on when something doesn’t work.  In my experience, in talking with many parents and doctors about this, the child can go through medicine after medicine that cause so many side-effects the child cannot remain on them.  For example, some medicines I’m familiar with cause massive vomiting, extreme sleepiness in class and/or very bad headaches.  It’s heartbreaking to go from medicine to medicine wondering what impact it will bring and dreading the fact that you are putting your child through this.

I am a layman.  I don’t have any medical degrees.  But I’ve been around the block on psychological drugs and I do have a suggestion to parents for how to make this process simpler.  I recommend:

  • Before getting a prescription for a new medicine, ask the doctor what the side effects are.  Also, how severe are the side effects?  What percentage of kids get the side effect?  If the impact can be severe and a high percentage of kids suffer from side effects, turn that medicine down and ask for something else.
  • Think about asking the doctor to skip the older medicines that have been on the market a long time (because many of them do have pretty bad side effects) and start your child instead on a drug more recently put on the market.  Doctors like to prescribe the older drugs because there’s more of a clinical record on those medicines, but the more recent meds often have fewer side effects.
  • Keep trying, even if you have to go through what seems like a lot of medicines.  But keep your eye on the doctor to see if it feels like the prescription writing is like playing roulette.  The doctor needs to have an informed plan for how to graduate from one med to another and to be able to talk about that with you.  I know parents who have changed doctors in the past when it felt like their child was arbitrarily being put through too many awful side effects.

OK, back to the mom I met today.  She said they had finally identified a med that works but now her daughter can’t go to sleep and it is creating havoc with her school day.  I told her there’s a solution for that.  Her daughter needs to take a mild sleep medicine to get her through the night.  And then I added another insight, which is that some ADHD meds lose their impact in the mid-afternoon, making it hard for children to focus on school later in the day and making homework a daily nightmare.  If that’s the case, have the doctor prescribe a small dosage that the school nurse can administer at, say, 1-2 PM.

Once again, take everything I say with a grain of salt because I am not a medical professional.  But I am a very informed parent and I hope this knowledge and experience I’m passing on will be helpful.

Whatever Happened To Manners? (Pssst . . . Check Out Cotillion For Kids)

February 12, 2012 in education, etiquette, happiness, manners, parenting, self-esteem, Uncategorized by cmoore | No comments

By Connie Moore

I travel a lot. So I’m constantly around other people in airports, on planes and in hotels when they are opening doors or putting a heavy bag into the airline overhead storage.

I have to say: I am just floored and appalled by the complete and utter lack of manners many people often display.  They don’t hold doors for one another, and when someone (I ) hold doors for them, they don’t say thank you.  If for some strange reason someone does something nice for me and I say thank you, they almost never, ever say “you’re welcome.”  And forget “pardon me,” that’s gone the way of the dodo bird.

I always shake my head and wonder what the world is coming too, that people cannot be nice to one another.  And then I think, well, that young woman probably wasn’t taught any better, but that middle-aged gentleman most certainly was taught manners by his parents and has just chosen to ignore them later in life. 

I would say that etiquette is truly in a crisis in the USA.  And the reason for etiquette isn’t so we can be persnickety about interpersonal interactions.  Etiquette was developed in the days when men fought duels and polite society would give “the cut” (meaning completely ignore) to someone who had done something egregious.  Manners gave people a code or standard to go by so they would get along,  not fight (literally) or behave in a disruptive way.

So now, fast forward to the 21st century, where we seem to have completely forgotten the basics of manners.  I sometimes think, well that kid, teenager or young adult wasn’t taught better. But why should we—society–give kids and younger adults a free pass on manners?  Everyone should know the basic of social graces, AND if you are a parent and aren’t teaching them to your kids, you have fallen down on the job.

There are so many reasons to put etiquette at the top of your list as a parent.  I really do know of people who were not given job offers because of poor manners, including poor table manners when taken out to lunch or dinner. As parents, we’ve only got a limited time to teach our kids the basics and we have to take advantage of it. Otherwise, they won’t learn manners later in life unless someone points it out to them and they get some (expensive) coaching.

Which gets me to . . .  Cotillion. Yes, that very word sounds like something from the  1940s or 1950s.  But it’s still around, and is a fantastic way to teach kids manners and how to interact socially in formal settings.

The Cotillion where I live sponsors balls where kids dress in semi-formal attire, and put their table manners and courtesy to others on show.  The boys introduce their escorts to the chaperones, and everyone is on their best behavior.  It is awesome to see a Cotillion ball in progress.

Here’s the most important thing of all.  Teaching kids manners, along the lines of Cotillion, gives them a megaboost of confidence.  They learn how to interact in social settings in a confident manner and develop grace and caring for other people along the way.  Whether you use Cotillion or something else, like Scouts or your church or home instruction, please take the need for etiquette seriously and arm your kids with the very best you and they can offer: 

Please.

Thank you.

Pardon me.

It’s nice to meet you.

How do you do?

Good morning/afternoon/evening.

May I introduce . . .

May I have this dance?

You will be absolutely amazed the difference it makes in your kid’s life and you will put your daughter or son on a trajectory toward success with friends, in life and business.

Going To A Party? Make An Eating Plan With Your Overweight Child

February 12, 2012 in childhood obesity, Families, happiness, parenting, self-esteem, weight management by cmoore | No comments

by Connie Moore

Most American children eat too many non-nutritious and fattening foods and weigh too much.  But some children go far beyond that into dysfunctional behavior—and  literally obsess about food because they’ve got an eating addiction.  For example, the child with an eating obsession will fantasize about what foods will be served at the birthday party they are attending, or talk repeatedly about what’s for dinner and dessert. They simply can’t get food out of their heads. There’s a tape with an endless loop running inside their heads. They need therapy to help them stop the endless tape.

These children also need your help, as a parent, guardian, family member or concerned friend.  Not only do they need help with food choices, calorie counting and learning about nutrition—they need help  making a concrete plan for getting through a specific occasion they are dreaming about—and replacing the food dreams at the center stage of their imagination with something else.

Let’s say, your child is going to a picnic involving several families or relatives.  Before the picnic you can sit down with your child and discuss what foods are likely to be served, the consequences of eating specific foods and what good choices would be for them.  You may even use a reward system that recognizes and rewards the child for the food choices they make at the picnic.

After having that conversation, you might sit back and feel pretty proud of yourself for arming your child with all the knowledge he or she will need about food choices.

But there’s even more you can do to help your child.

Just like adults unconsciously use when going to a party, whese children need some guidelines, strategies and hints to navigate eating at the picnic from start to finish.  For example:

  1. Help them understand: the purpose of the picnic is not about food—the purpose is about friends and/or family getting together to have a good time.
  2. At the picnic, suggest that your child spend time playing games with their friends
  3. Or, they can talk with their favorite cousin or spend time with their grandmother they don’t see often enough
  4. They can play on the swings, slides or jungle gym.
  5. They can take a badminton set to the picnic and ask friends to play
  6. How about a basketball?—take that to the picnic if there’s a court available.
  7. If it’s windy, what about kites?  That would be a fun thing to do.
  8. If they like skating, bring a pair of skates.
  9. Another possibility — taking colored chalk and drawing on the pavement.
  10. Does your child play the guitar or keyboard?  Maybe there’s a time and place for them to create some music while at the picnic.
  11. If you have access to recorded music and speakers, the kids could all dance and even have a competition

Now, with all the activities that might be going on at the party, they will be so busy they won’t think so much about food, and over time will learn that relationships and having fun is the primary purpose of getting together with family and friends and food is a nice addition–not the center stage.

Families- Listen Up!

February 12, 2012 in Families, happiness, parenting, self-esteem by cmoore | No comments

 By Carol Gordon,

A.C.E. certified Personal Fitness Trainer, and A.C.E. certified Lifestyle and Weight Management Consultant

 The obesity rate among children is still at an alarming level. More and more kids are too connected to video games, television, and computers.  It is not rocket science to figure out that a sedentary child has increased health risks.

We need to keep kids active and now we’re learning more and more, it is a family thing.

We reach the kids by educating the parents. An active family has active healthy kids. Studies have shown that children from low activity level families, were considerably more likely to be in the low activity category themselves.  It’s a family thing- kids themselves don’t have much power over their activity level. Having both parents overweight dramatically increases the risk of having their children overweight.

Parents need not to focus on the weight or calorie intake of their children, but tell their children that healthy foods make healthy strong bodies—weak foods (junk) make weak bodies. I am currently teaching an after school program at one of the elementary schools in Loudoun County. The program, geared for grades K-5, is called “Fab 5” and features action figures depicting muscular strength, cardiovascular ability, muscular endurance, flexibility, body composition and, if they remain inactive and eat “weak” foods, the slug. Children perform exercises geared to these figures as well as learn about nutrition. These type of programs help to bring the message home to the kids, but not necessarily to their parents.

Parents please remember that kids need our help.  Again, children learn what they see—you are their role models.  This is a good time to resolve to have only healthy foods in your home; plan to have a more active lifestyle (make it fun – not the child’s decision as to whether they want to participate) look into your community sports leagues; and resist sedentary activities.  Yes, I know you’re saying, but everyone needs some quiet time. Of course, but again in moderation.  An hour of daily play or family activity, gives kids plenty of down time later on.

More than ever, as parents, it is time to think creatively and be involved in helping your children live active, well-nourished lives.

The Supper Table- A Common Bond

February 12, 2012 in happiness, parenting by cmoore | No comments

by Carol Gordon,

A.C.E. certified Personal Fitness Trainer and A.C.E. certified Lifestyle and Weight Management Consultant

Recently I read an article in the Washington Post that I would like to share with you.

It was one of those articles that you wind up thinking about throughout the day and want to share with others.  In our busy world with all of us going different directions at all times, sometimes, we find it difficult to get everyone around the supper table at the same time. And, sometimes we wonder why we make the effort when everyone is around the table going crazy!   In the end it is worth the effort and gives all of us an opportunity to connect with one another at the end of the day.  Here are some helpful hints to make it all happen:

1)      Take time to set the mood- light some votives, put on some classical music, and fill a pitcher of water for the  table so you don’t have to get up constantly to fill glasses.

2)      Sit and eat with your children

3)      Begin dinner by holding hands. I love this. Just holding one another’s hand creates a bond and reminds you that we are all connected as a family. Saying “thanks” for what we have is always a positive message to instill at a young age.

4)      Avoid topics that cause tension

5)      Turn off the TV

6)      Eat slowly

7)      Create a jar of conversation starters. Thanks to this article, you can buy a set of idea cards at www.tabletopics.com or make your own.

8)      Unwind, put work on the back burner until after dinner.  Try to relax.

 It’s not too late to make a New Year’s resolution. Why not make one that the entire family can enjoy? Have dinner together — hold hands and give thanks.

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Ice Cream Is Not A Food Group!

January 28, 2012 in childhood obesity, parenting, weight management by cmoore | 1 comment

By Carol Gordon

ACE Certified Personal Fitness Trainer and ACE Certified Lifestyle and Weight Management Consultant

Everyday our children are faced with decisions. As early as first grade nutrition is one of the first decisions they have to face. All of a sudden they are thrust into the cafeteria—excited that they can now make their own food choices.  And, what choices do they get to make? – to have or not have ice cream everyday!

One of society’s major focuses today is to target childhood obesity. Ironically we don’t seem to be challenging our school cafeterias to support that focus. It used to be that ice cream was a treat–not a daily choice. What’s wrong with our schools offering ice cream as a treat once a week instead of on a daily basis? Fortunately, concerned schools are now substituting frozen fruit bars in place of ice cream.  Keep in mind, ice cream is a way for the schools to make extra money. Fruit bars may not sell as well in the beginning, but as kids see that that is their choice, fruit bars seem to sell just as well.

 As parents we need to be concerned about what our schools are serving our kids. We can change things. Many parents strive for healthy eating at home, so why not also get behind healthy eating at school? As one first grader said to me, “ I wish we didn’t have to have ice cream as a choice everyday.“  Our little ones have enough choices to make; why make it harder for them?

When we no longer treat ice cream and sugary snacks as a food group, our kids will reap the benefits.

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Healthy Portions for Kids

January 26, 2012 in childhood obesity, parenting, weight management by cmoore | No comments

By Carol Gordon

A.C.E. Certified Personal Fitness Trainer and A.C.E. Certified Lifestyle and Weight Management Consultant

Is your child eating too much?  With today’s super sizing of everything, most of us really don’t know what an appropriate portion is for a child.  A healthy portion size is simply how much food you should be consuming. A kid’s portion size, an adult portion size and a teenager’s portion size are going to be completely different.

Portions should equal the size of the palm of your child’s hand – not YOUR palm!

Restaurants delight in serving super helpings of French fries to kids as well as large size portions of pasta, etc.  Parents need to step in and split these portions or request a smaller serving of fries or other high calorie foods.  Many kids could easily eat 2 cups of pasta  which equals 4 times a kids healthy portion size.

Try to visualize a healthy portion size plate.

1)      ¼ of the plate should be meat/protein equal to a deck of cards or size of a palm of hand;

2)       ¼ of the plate should be whole grains such as breads, pasta or rice equal to a CD ROM;

3)      ¼ of the plate should be vegetables equal to a tennis ball

4)      ¼ of the plate should be fruit the size of a yo-yo or replace fruit with another vegetable.

Aside from appropriate portions, an important thing to remember about kids’ calories is to avoid empty calories. For example, empty calories are candy bars, French fries, fast food, chips, sodas – foods that  provide little or no nutritional value. Replace those items with fruits, vegetables, cheese, yogurt or other healthy alternatives.

 For more information, please visit these sites:

www.familyfun.Kaboose.com and/or www.kids-meal-ideas.com/healthyportionsize.html

 

 

 

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Fast Food And Your Child

January 24, 2012 in childhood obesity, parenting, weight management by cmoore | No comments

by Carol Gordon, A.C.E. Certified Personal Fitness Trainer; A.C.E. Certified Lifestyle and Weight Management Consultant

Kids like fast food and parents appreciate the convenience. But, in the long run, is it worth it to compromise your child’s health?

A recent study by University of California, San Diego, pediatrics researchers showed that fast-food lunches accounted for 36%-51% of a child’s daily caloric needs, with fat contributing 35%-39% of the calories. These fast food meals also provided more than 50% of the recommended daily sodium intake for most children- and as much as 100% of the sodium levels recommended for pre-schoolers.

Many families use fast-food as a reward for their kids. But it’s important for families to recognize the impact of fast-food on the current obesity epidemic in the US. Now, I’m not saying never go to fast-food restaurants (who can grow up without an occasional McDonalds?), I’m just saying to use common sense and help your child to choose responsibly. There’s no need to ever super size fries or any meal—in fact, little kids can certainly share a container of fries. Plus, choose milk or lemonade over soda. Encourage the oatmeal over the pancakes; the fruit parfaits over the apple pies and cookies.

Most of all, lead by example—kids learn from what they see. You make healthy decisions in a fast-food restaurant, they will too. It’s also OK to give yourself permission to say “No, we’re not making that choice today. However it is OK to order, x,y,or z”.  Again, moderation and example are the keys to helping your children live a healthy lifestyle.

Parents Of Overweight Kids, Meet Vegetables . . . Your New Best Friend

January 16, 2012 in childhood obesity, parenting, weight management by cmoore | 2 comments

by Connie Moore, parent and Yondrr contributor

I just got this amazing story from a friend of mine who has lost 12 pounds in two weeks.  Whoa! 

Here’s her story:

How many times have you heard parents say something like: “Jason, eat your vegetables” or “M-kala, you can either have more fruit or more vegetables. Your choice.”  Or maybe it’s more directed, like: “eat your spinach,” “eat your squash,” or “eat your tomatoes.”  Kids just hate hearing this.  And who can blame them when it’s some boring old vegetable dish competing against a piece of pie or a serving of ice cream.

My friend says she’s made an important discovery about the POWER of vegetables to help you get fit.  Really fit. She’s following the Jenny Craig plan to the T.  And they advocate the “volumizer” approach, which boils down to: eat lots and lots of vegetables because they fill you up and you don’t get hungry.

Guess what?  It really works.  In fact, it’s unbelievable how powerful the lowly veggie is.  She really looks forward to her sauteed spinich with garlic, or sauteed squash and onions, or dish of steamed kale or bowl of tomato soup because it fills her up and keeps her from being hungry.

Plus, she’s not the only one saying this to me. My nephew (who is fit already)  just became a vegetarian and immediately lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks.  He’s been having fun cooking and bought a juicer, which he swears by.  He says he feels fantastic.

Now, in my opinion, the trick is to make your kid’s vegetable dishes really tasty, instead of offering them some bland steamed or raw vegetables.  Even I get tired of crudite platters crammed full of raw broccoli, raw cauliflower, and carrots.  Ho hum.

Here’s my advice to the parents of kids struggling with weight issues:  buy a vegetarian cookbook and use lots of spices and flavors to make your dishes interesting to kids.  Maybe even bring your daughter or son into the kitchen for some cooking experience.  Find out what spices they like and look for recipes that highlight those flavors.  After all, my friend’s husband says he could be a vegetarian if he could live in India because the food is so delicious there.  That’s a lesson for all of us–let’s make our veggies that delicious too and live healthier in the process!

Reward Systems Help With Challenging Kids

January 14, 2012 in ADD, ADHD, Asperger's, child advocate, childhood obesity, happiness, parenting, weight management by cmoore | No comments

by Connie Moore

Here’s something I recently learned about when talking to the mom of a kid with ADHD. 

Here’s what she told me:

When her oldest son was younger, her husband and she struggled to come up with a reward system that really changed his behavior. Because he has ADHD, he perpetually lives “in the moment.” That makes it difficult to find a reward system that works–kids with ADHD have a hard time thinking about a reward that’s in the dim, distant future to them.

They  worked with a therapist who recommended a really great book called Transforming The Difficult Child: The Nurtured Heart Approach, by Howard Glaser (http://www.amazon.com/Transforming-Difficult-Child-Nurtured-Approach/dp/0967050707).
This book advocates a reward system that recognizes the child for small types of good behavior all day long. Parents using this approach typically give their child chips (plastic poker chips work great) for little things the child does well. Like reading a book for 30 minutes, or taking a shower, or whatever it is that the child resists doing. The key reason this works: the child gets instant and constant feedback all day, and that works very well with the ADHD or ADD kid who lives in the moment.

The mom told me this story because she had just come across an old paper about the reward system. It’s the list of ways she and her husband developed to spend these rewards. They had struggled with finding a workable reward system for a couple of years before coming across Glaser’s approach. That’s because giving an ADD child “stars” or “check marks” on a poster for really big accomplishments and then promising an ADHD kid that they can go to a theme park in 3-6 months for good schoolwork isn’t going to cut it. They need a flow of  little rewards–frequently, constantly–and a way to cash them in quickly. This a powerful technique for changing their behavior.  Also, they respond well to positive feedback and little rewards, instead of harping on the negative.

So here’s a real list that those parents used:

Ways to Spend Chips

Privilege/Value

15 minutes of personal computer time (2 hour max per week) 1 chip

30 minutes of educational TV (2 hour max per week) 1 chip

15 minutes of Wii or watching a DVD (2 hour max per week) 1 chip

15 minutes of watching TV (2 hour max per week) 1 chip

1 hour trip to the train store, 8 chips

Go see a movie, 35 chips

Go bowling, 35 chips

$1 (max of $5 per week), 4 chips

15 minutes of playing with model trains, 1 chip

trip to an amusement park, 160 chips

trip to train museum, 80 chips

15 minutes of talking about trains with Mom or Dad, 2 chips

One hour at swimming pool, 10 chips

Hopefully you can see how this Nurtured Heart approach works. The mom I talked with encouraged all parents to read this book and establish a reward system that matches the child’s needs and way of thinking about the world. In the case of children with issues, focus on small rewards that can be cashed in for bigger rewards. That helps the kid behave “in the moment.”

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